Keeping The Connection Alive With Your Partner When You Have Kids


If I had a dollar for every time a client told me that one of their goals was to feel closer to their husband again, I would be a rich lady!

When you find out you're pregnant, visions often come to mind; you and your partner happily pushing a fancy stroller, sipping on a latte, chatting and smiling in your euphoria. While this may be the case for some, but from my experience working with thousands of clients over the years, it's more idealistic than realistic.

Fast forward a few months, the baby is here, and along with it, a few arguments (usually overnight) about the best way to deal with a crying baby or whose turn it is to get up.

Parenting changes things, and the experience is not the same for both partners. I wrote a funny post summarizing the things both spouses say changed the most in their lives here.

A common solution that I see parents use when it comes to navigating life with a newborn baby is that one parent (usually the one who is still working) will sleep in a separate space, and the parent who is on leave will deal with the baby overnight.

For some parents, this works well - but for others it create a feeling of loneliness and a disconnection from the relationship.

I'm going to offer this. Just because you have a baby or children does not mean that you should or can not put your marriage or partner first.

I have had conversations with many parents who have not been on a date night or out together since they had children, and their eldest was 4.

Remember, your job as parents is to prepare your child/children for life; at some point, they'll leave the nest and go off on their own, so keeping a connection with your spouse alive will assist all of you in this transition at a later time.

It's never too late to create a date night - you don't even have to leave the house. It can be something as simple as making a nice dinner and having a bottle of wine. Or, watching a movie once everyone else is in bed, but just taking some time out to talk about yourselves and spending time together without anyone else around, will make you better parents and keep you on track with your own marital goals.

Whatever it is, try to carve out some time once a week or every other week so that you can go out and just enjoy each other's company. Getting out of the house with your spouse is great, but it's not always possible, especially during these times we're facing with Covid.

However, whether it is or not, make time for your partner and your relationship without feeling guilty about it!

What's the biggest thing that's changed in your marriage since having kids? Let us know in the comments below.

Are you interested in chatting more about all things motherhood with a community of supportive and like-minded mums?

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Every week we feature a speaker on relevant topics related to sleep and motherhood in general. This week's speaker was Dr. Carolin Klein from West Coast Sex Therapy. We'd love to have you as part of this growing community.




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