Crying It Out Method – Sleep Training or Emotional Neglect? Let’s Talk
Few parenting topics stir as much emotion as sleep training—and within that, the "cry it out" method stands out as one of the most hotly debated. Is it a useful, research-backed tool to help babies learn to sleep independently? Or does it cross the line into emotional neglect? Let’s unpack this, parent to parent—without judgment, just understanding.
Baby crying in crib
What is the Cry It Out (CIO) Method?
At its core, the "cry it out" method is a sleep training approach where parents allow their baby to cry for predetermined intervals before offering comfort, with the goal of helping the baby learn to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. It’s most often associated with the Ferber Method, a structured form of CIO involving timed check-ins.
However, “cry it out” has become an umbrella term that’s often misunderstood. For some, it conjures images of babies left alone for hours, while for others, it’s a short-term strategy for better sleep—both for the baby and the parents.
Why Some Parents Choose CIO
Sleep deprivation is real. A well-rested parent is a safer, more responsive caregiver. For some families, the lack of sleep becomes unsustainable—and sleep training feels like a lifeline.
It can work quickly. Many parents who use CIO report significant improvement in sleep within a few nights.
Some babies adjust well. Every child is different. Some babies do learn to fall asleep on their own with minimal distress.
Why Some Parents Avoid CIO
Emotional distress. Critics argue that leaving a baby to cry without immediate comfort can be emotionally harmful, especially in very young infants whose only way of communicating need is through crying.
Attachment concerns. Some experts and parents worry that CIO may negatively impact secure attachment, especially if used insensitively or too early.
Gut instinct. Some parents simply can’t tolerate hearing their baby cry—and that’s valid. If a method causes more stress than relief, it’s not the right fit.
What Does the Research Say?
Studies on CIO and other behavioral sleep training methods generally show:
No long-term harm to emotional development or parent-child attachment when done appropriately and at the right age (typically after 4–6 months).
Improved sleep outcomes for both babies and parents.
No significant increase in stress hormones (like cortisol) in babies once they’ve learned to fall asleep independently.
But research also highlights this: responsive caregiving is key. Sleep training is not “one size fits all,” and how it's implemented matters more than the label.
So… Sleep Training or Emotional Neglect?
The truth is, it's not black and white.
Crying is not inherently harmful. It's a form of communication. What matters is how consistently and lovingly parents respond over time, and whether a child feels secure in the big picture. If a baby is generally cared for, cuddled, and responded to, a few tough nights of sleep training aren’t likely to cause damage.
On the flip side, if a method feels wrong for you, it probably is. There are many gentle sleep approaches that focus on responsiveness, like:
Fading or gradual withdrawal
Pick-up-put-down
Chair method
Bedsharing with safe sleep practices
The Bottom Line: Do What Aligns with Your Values
No method defines your worth as a parent. Sleep training—whether it involves some crying or not—isn’t a moral issue. It’s a choice based on your baby’s temperament, your family’s needs, and your values.
Trust your instincts. Read the research. Ask for support. And remember: Whether you use CIO, rock your baby to sleep every night, or something in between—your love and presence are what truly shape your child’s emotional world.
