When Your Child Prefers One Parent Over the Other
Let us take a look at what’s really going on?
“NO! I want MUMMY to do it!”
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever been flat-out rejected by your child in favor of your partner—or vice versa—you’re not alone. This stage can feel baffling, a bit heartbreaking, and even slightly offensive (especially when you’ve just made three versions of dinner). But here's the good news: this is developmentally normal, and it’s not a reflection of your worth as a parent.
“No, Mummy do it”
Don’t take this phase personally
Let’s break down why kids play favorites, when it’s likely to happen, and what you can do to stay sane (and connected) during this temporary phase.
Why It Happens: The Developmental Backstory
Children aren’t playing emotional chess. Preference for one parent isn’t a rejection—it’s part of how they test attachment, independence, and control in a very big world.
Some common reasons this shows up:
Attachment cycles – Children form strong bonds with their primary caregivers and may gravitate more toward the one who meets a particular need at a certain stage (comfort, play, routine).
Control and predictability – Favoring one parent is often about predictability and consistency, not love. It’s their way of making sense of the world.
Autonomy – Toddlers and preschoolers are learning they’re separate from you. Sometimes, choosing one parent is a safe way to practice that independence.
When It’s Most Common by Age
Age Range What’s Happening Parent Preference Likelihood
9–18 months Separation anxiety peaks High (usually toward primary caregiver)
2–3 years Testing boundaries & autonomy High (preferences often flip)
4–5 years Social-emotional awareness Moderate (based on activities/roles)
6+ years Cognitive reasoning develops Lower, but still happens in stressful times
What to Do (Without Taking It Personally)
Don’t force it. Pushing yourself on a child who’s asking for the other parent can escalate the situation. Stay nearby and available, but don’t take offense.
Team up as parents. Let your child see you both cooperating. Instead of saying “You asked for Daddy,” try “Daddy and I both love doing this with you. Let’s do it together today.”
Normalize your feelings. It’s okay to feel a little rejected. Vent to your partner, not your child. Remind yourself: this is a phase, not a personal attack.
Switch up routines gently. If one parent always does bedtime or bathtime, slowly introduce change with both parents involved. Transitions work better than sudden swaps.
Find your ‘thing.’ Whether it’s Sunday pancake mornings or silly bathtime songs, create a ritual that’s just yours. Kids love routines—and those routines build bonds.
What NOT to Do
Don’t shame your child for their preference.
Don’t compete with your partner.
Don’t internalize it as a measure of parenting success.
Remember…
Your child’s preference is not a judgment. It’s a reflection of where they are developmentally. Your consistent presence and emotional availability matter far more than who they shout for during bathtime.
And—spoiler alert—they will switch allegiances. Probably the day after you finally stop taking it personally.
