Why Is My Child Scared to Let Go of Poop?

(And What You Can Do About It)

Let’s talk about poop. Not in a whisper, not in code. Just straight-up bowel movements. Because if you're reading this, chances are you've got a toddler who's holding it in like their life depends on it — and it's stressing everyone out.

You’re not alone. Many children, especially during potty training, become afraid to poop. It’s confusing, sometimes painful (literally), and emotionally frustrating for both child and parent. But there’s a very real developmental reason behind it.

You are not alone!

Many children become afraid of poop and won’t let go of it.

Why Is My Child Scared to Let Go of Poop?

Pooping isn’t just a physical act, it’s an emotional release. For toddlers, especially those just starting their potty training journey, pooping can feel like losing a part of themselves.

🔗 Child development research supports this. According to Erik Erikson's psychosocial stages of development, toddlers are in the “Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt” phase (Erikson, 1950). They’re just beginning to understand control over their bodies, their choices, and their environment. So when you ask them to let go of poop, it might feel like a loss of control. Literally and symbolically.

The Emotional Weight of Poop (Yes, Really)

Here’s what might be going on in your little one’s mind:

• 💩 “This feels weird. Where is it going?”

• 💩 “I don’t want to stop playing just to do that.”

• 💩 “It hurts when I go!”

• 💩 “I’m scared of the potty. What if I fall in?”

Children can even develop poop withholding behaviors, which can lead to constipation, tummy aches, or even painful bowel movements, creating a vicious cycle of fear and discomfort.

🔗 A 2014 study in Pediatrics found that nearly 1 in 3 children aged 3-10 have some form of functional constipation or toileting anxiety (source).

How to Help Your Child Let Go (Of Poop, That Is)

Here are gentle, developmentally appropriate ways to help:

1. Make the toilet a safe space

Use a toddler-sized potty or a seat reducer with a footstool. Dangling legs can make kids feel unstable, giving them a strong base helps them feel secure.

2. Normalize poop talk

Don’t make poop “icky” or taboo. Talk about it like it’s normal because it is. Read silly books like “Everyone Poops” or “It Hurts When I Poop” to break the tension.

3. Watch their diet

Constipation can make things worse. Make sure your child is getting plenty of fiber-rich foods (fruits, veggies, whole grains) and water.

4. Create a routine

Have your child sit on the potty after meals. Even if they don’t go, the habit reduces pressure and encourages consistency.

5. Stay calm and reassuring

Never shame a child for accidents or fears. Say things like, “Your body knows when it’s ready,” or “It’s okay to feel nervous — I’m right here.”

When to Worry (And When Not To)

If your child is consistently holding poop for several days, experiencing pain, or you see blood in the stool, speak with your pediatrician. You might also want to consult a child development specialist or occupational therapist, especially if anxiety seems to be a broader theme.

Take a Deep Breath — This Won’t Last Forever

I promise you, your child will not walk down the aisle still scared of poop. But right now, they need patience, understanding, and a lot of fiber. ❤️

You're doing a great job, even if it doesn’t smell like it.

Need more one-to-one personalized advice? Contact Dawn today