Are Time-Outs Harmful or Helpful?

In the world of parenting, there is much debate about the good old-fashioned time-out. Some swear by it. Others say it’s outdated, even harmful. So, what’s the truth? Are time-outs a tool for teaching self-regulation—or just a fancy name for punishment? Interestingly, I had never heard of a time out, until I moved to the States in 1994 to be a nanny. I had also never heard of a snack lol

What is a Time Out, really?

In a nutshell it’s a break. It can provide space for everyone to calm down.

What Is a Time-Out, Really?

A time-out, at its core, is a break. The idea is to remove a child from a situation that’s escalated—whether it’s hitting, yelling, or general chaos—and give them space to calm down. It's meant to interrupt negative behavior, not isolate or shame a child.

When Time-Outs Can Be Helpful:

• Gives Everyone a Breather: Sometimes, the best thing for both parent and child is space. A short pause can help everyone reset, they can be good for both of you!

• Teaches Emotional Regulation: When used with guidance, a time-out can help a child learn how to manage their emotions and return when they’re calm.

• Sets Clear Boundaries: Used consistently and calmly, it can reinforce family rules & values.

When Time-Outs Become Harmful:

• Used as Isolation or Shame: If a child is banished to their room, ignored, or yelled at during a time-out, it becomes a punishment—not a learning tool.

• Used Without Teaching: If the child doesn’t know why they’re in time-out or what to do differently next time, there’s no growth—just confusion.

• Too Long or Too Often: Overuse turns it into disconnection, which is the opposite of what children need during big emotional moments.

Time-In: A Better Alternative?

Some parents are turning to the idea of a time-in—sitting with the child during their emotional storm, helping them co-regulate. This approach focuses more on connection than correction. For some kids, especially toddlers or children with sensory or regulation challenges, this can be far more effective.

🧠 What the Research Says:

• A 2019 University of Michigan study found no long-term emotional harm from properly used time-outs—but emphasized the importance of warmth and connection.
  Read more here

• Dr. Daniel Siegel (author of The Whole-Brain Child) cautions that "relational pain" caused by isolation can activate the same areas of the brain as physical pain.

• Read more here

• The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends time-outs as one of several behavior tools, but only when paired with consistency and follow-up teaching.

• Read more here

Bottom Line:

Time-outs aren't inherently harmful—but they aren’t a magic fix either. Like any tool, they’re only helpful when used thoughtfully. If you're using time-outs, ask yourself:

• Am I using this to punish or to teach?

• Does my child understand what’s expected?

• Are we reconnecting afterward?

Because discipline isn’t about control—it’s about guidance. You also have to think about how sometimes even as an adult, if we are feeling overstimulated or overtired, time on our own is a good thing as it can help us reset.

🌟 Need Support with Your Child’s Behavior?

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to guide your child through big emotions and challenging behavior—you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Whether it’s time-outs, tantrums, or setting clear limits with love, I can help you create calm, connected routines that actually work for your unique family.

👉 Book a free discovery call 💬 Or reach out directly with your questions—let’s talk about what’s really going on and how I can help. Confident parents. Connected families. It starts here.