Is Your Child a Picky Eater?
or are they just auditioning for MasterChef: autonomy edition?
Let’s set the scene: You've made a delicious homemade spaghetti bolognese. Your toddler takes one look at it, frowns like you’ve served them a plate of actual worms, and declares, “I don’t like red food anymore.” Yesterday, red food was life. Today, it’s personal betrayal.
Is your child picky? Or are they in the middle of one of life’s great developmental milestones—asserting autonomy?
Let’s dig in (pun intended).
Are they really being picky or is this a development phase?
and no, they won’t be picky forever
Picky? Or Practicing Power?
Toddlers are wired to test limits. It’s not just food—it’s pajamas, socks, toothbrushes, and anything that suggests they’re not in charge. So when your toddler says no to broccoli after saying yes 57 times before, it’s not a vegetable vendetta. It’s autonomy. Developmentally, toddlers are learning who they are—and sometimes they express that by rejecting your lovingly sautéed zucchini.
Will They Be Picky Forever?
Short answer: no. Picky eating is usually a phase, not a personality trait. Research shows most kids grow out of it by age 5 to 6, especially when pressure is taken off the table—literally and figuratively. For some, it may linger longer (especially with sensory sensitivities), but your toddler isn’t doomed to a future of beige food only.
Practical Tips That Don’t Involve Bribing with Cookies
1. Serve Tiny Portions (Like, REALLY Tiny)
A tablespoon of food per year of age is a good place to start. Less food = less pressure. If they want more, fantastic!
2. Keep Your Poker Face
Don’t cheer. Don’t beg. Don’t narrate every bite like it’s a nature documentary. Keep it chill, or you’ll tip them off that this bite of carrot is a big deal.
3. Offer Choices You Can Live With
Would you like peas or carrots? Toast triangles or squares? Giving toddlers a say (within your limits) supports autonomy while keeping your sanity intact.
4. Stay Consistent With Mealtimes
Routine is your best friend. Predictable mealtimes reduce grazing and help children build true hunger signals, making them more likely to try new things.
5. Model the Joy of Eating
If you eat a variety of foods with visible enjoyment (or fake it till you make it), they’ll notice. Kids are expert mimics… usually when you least want them to be.
When It Might Be More Than a Phase
If your child eats fewer than 10 foods, avoids entire food groups, gags frequently, or is not growing well, check in with your pediatrician or a pediatric dietitian. Sometimes picky eating can be rooted in sensory issues or anxiety around eating.
Final Word
Your toddler rejecting today’s dinner doesn’t mean you’ve failed—or that they’re bound for a lifetime of chicken nuggets only. More likely, they’re learning about choice, control, and where they fit in the world.
Hang in there. The phase may be messy, but so is parenting.
And hey, there’s always toast.
If you are struggling with picky eating, contact me today to come up with a plan to help you get through this phase with practical salutations and realistic expectations.
