"My Child Refuses to Sit on the Potty"

I find that many parents get pumped up at the thought of ditching the diapers (nappy if you're British), to feeling completely defeated about 3 days into the process. I have talked more parents off an emotional ledge with potty training than I ever have with sleep training. Potty training just hits differently and giving up is often the root many parents take during their first attempt.

Autonomy is one of the biggest reasons potty training is so hard.

The process can often feel futile and many parents feel like giving up only a few days in.

You had the reward chart. You had the new undies. You even had the mini toilet with a flushing sound. But your toddler? Not impressed.
If your child is refusing to even sit on the potty, take a deep breath—you’re not failing. This is common, developmentally normal, and fixable.

Why do kids refuse the potty?

Here’s the truth: sitting on a potty means stopping, focusing, and trusting their body. For toddlers (especially those who are mid-stride in the "I do it myself!" phase), that’s a tall order. Common reasons kids resist include:

• Fear of the potty or flushing sound

• Not wanting to stop playing

• Discomfort sitting on the seat

• Past negative experience or pressure

• Desire for control (aka toddler job #1)

6 Things You Can Do Right Now

1. Back off the pressure.
   The more we push, the more they resist. Instead, use casual language and model interest (“I’m going to the bathroom—want to come keep me company?”).

2. Make it part of routine, not a power struggle.
   Include potty sitting in daily rhythms: “We sit on the potty after breakfast,” with no expectation to go. Sitting = success.

3. Use a transitional object.
   Let them hold a toy, book, or even a special potty-only stuffy. It adds comfort and makes sitting time feel safe.

4. Try a potty that suits their body.
   Feet should be flat (use a stool!), back should be supported. Wobbly = uncomfortable = refusal.

5. Celebrate sitting, not just peeing.
   Normalize and praise sitting. “Wow! You sat like a pro!” Pee is a bonus.

6. Narrate, don’t direct.
   Instead of “Sit down now,” try: “Your body is learning something new. Sitting helps your body figure it out.”

What NOT to do

• Don’t force your child to sit.

• Don’t bribe every attempt.

• Don’t shame or compare (“Your cousin was trained at 2!”—not helpful.)

Some kids need more warm-up time. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re paying attention to their developmental needs.

Who is your support in this process? Daycare’s can also be a barrier to success in this area. Just finding the time to dedicate to the process can seem challenging and when you get so much push back, you have to ask yourself is it worth the fight, do I have the time to work through this right now? as getting frustrated only adds fuel to the fire.

If you need help with this process or feel stuck contact me to help you through the mental block and offer some practical tips and thoughts.