My toddler will not listen to me (or are they?)
Oh, the toddler years.
You call their name.
Nothing.
You call again.
Still nothing.
By the third time, you’re convinced they’re ignoring you on purpose… until you realize they’re just deeply focused on trying to put a Lego hat on a dinosaur.
Are they really ignoring you?
Make sure you are present in their world, otherwise you are background noise.
Welcome to the wonderful world of toddler listening; or more accurately, toddler hearing… sometimes.
Are They Really Not Listening?
Here’s the thing: most toddlers aren’t plotting an elaborate mutiny against your requests. They’re just… busy.
Busy stacking blocks.
Busy making their plastic giraffe fly.
Busy figuring out how many crackers they can stuff in their cheeks without choking.
Small children cannot multitask the way adults do. Their brains are still developing, and they live entirely in the present moment. If they’re playing, looking at a book, or just staring into space thinking about dinosaurs, their attention span for anything else. Like you saying “Put your shoes on” is essentially zero.
Research shows the average attention span for a toddler is about 2–3 minutes per year of age. That means your two-year-old? You get about 4–6 minutes before their focus drifts away.
Also, toddlers don’t automatically filter out background noise to prioritize your voice. You might be standing in the kitchen asking them to come to the table, but if they’re in the living room watching Paw Patrol, you’re essentially just a faint mumble in the distance.
The Importance of Eye Contact
Here’s the game-changer: eye contact.
If you want your toddler to hear you, really hear you, you need to enter their world for a moment. That means:
Getting down on their level
Saying their name
Waiting until they look at you
Once you have their eyes, you have their ears (remember this phrase and turn it into a mantra). Without that, you’re basically the “wah wah wah” grown-up voice from Charlie Brown.
Tips to Actually Get Your Toddler to Listen
1. Get in Their Space
Walk over, kneel down, and touch their arm or shoulder before speaking. This breaks their current focus and signals, “Hey, something important is happening.”
2. Use Their Name First
A toddler hearing “Put your shoes on” is background noise. Hearing “Ava… shoes” is personal and direct.
3. Keep It Short & Clear
Skip the long explanations. Use 3–5 words max. “Shoes on, please” works better than “We have to get ready to leave, so you need to go upstairs and…” because by word seven, they’re already watching a dust particle in the sunlight.
The Bottom Line
Toddlers aren’t ignoring you to be defiant (most of the time). They’re just wired to live in the moment, and their “agenda” might not match yours. By getting eye contact, using their name, and keeping it short, you can go from feeling like a broken record to feeling like… well, a slightly less broken record.
And remember. If you can’t beat them, at least admire their dedication to putting that Lego hat on the dinosaur.
Are you looking for some extra support in this leg of your parenting journey? Contact me today by filling out the contact form below.
