The First Five Years:
Why Parenting in Early Childhood Sets the Stage for the Teenage Years
It’s easy to think of parenting in “phases” — baby, toddler, school-age, and then brace yourself — teenager. But here’s the truth many parents aren’t told:
The first five years of life are not just about surviving sleepless nights and toddler tantrums. You’re laying the groundwork for the kind of teenager your child will become.
Early years build the brain
Many parents fall into the trap of “keeping the peace” when kids are little, hoping to avoid tantrums and power struggles. But avoiding discipline now makes it much harder to earn your child’s respect later
That’s not meant to add pressure. It’s meant to empower you.
Let’s talk about why what you do now — the tone you set, the routines you build, the way you connect — matters later, and how science backs this up.
The Early Years Build the Brain (and the Relationship)
From birth to age five, your child’s brain is growing at a rapid pace — forming more than 1 million new neural connections every second (Harvard Center on the Developing Child, 2023). These connections are shaped by experiences, especially those with primary caregivers.
If your daily rhythm is full of predictability, emotional safety, boundaries, and connection, you're helping your child build a brain that knows how to regulate emotions, navigate conflict, and form healthy relationships. These are the same skills they’ll need as a teenager — when the stakes are higher and the peers are louder.
Attachment Theory: The Long Game of Respect and Influence
Attachment theory, first introduced by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, shows us that children who form secure attachments in early childhood are more likely to grow into teens who:
Can regulate their emotions
Are less susceptible to peer pressure
Maintain healthy boundaries
Come to their parents for guidance during tough moments
Study #1:
A longitudinal study by Sroufe et al. (2005) followed children from birth into adulthood. They found that secure attachment at 12-18 months predicted social competence, emotional regulation, and peer relationships well into adolescence.
Translation? The bedtime routines, the gentle redirections, the safe space you create for big toddler feelings — they actually shape the kind of teen you’ll have later.
Early Limits Help You Lead Later
Many parents fall into the trap of “keeping the peace” when kids are little, hoping to avoid tantrums and power struggles. But avoiding discipline now makes it much harder to earn your child’s respect later.
When you parent with boundaries and warmth — not just permissiveness — you establish that your child can trust you and that your word matters. That’s what earns respect, and it’s a lot easier to build when they’re two than when they’re fifteen.
Study #2:
Research from the University of Washington (1997) found that early family climate and consistent discipline practices were linked to lower levels of risky behavior in adolescence, including substance use and delinquency.
In other words: when you consistently and calmly manage toddler behavior now, you reduce the odds of major blow-ups later.
The Peer Group Will Take Over — But You’ll Still Be Needed
By the time your child hits the teen years, peers become a central influence. But the role you play isn’t replaced — it’s reframed.
Study #3:
A study published in Child Development (Allen et al., 2002) found that teens with strong early relationships with parents were better able to resist negative peer pressure and had healthier friendships.
If you’ve built a respectful, trusting connection in the early years — where your child feels emotionally safe and seen— they’ll be more likely to turn to you instead of the group when things get hard.
So What Can You Do in the First 5 Years?
You don’t need to be perfect. But you can be intentional:
Stick to routines and predictable rhythms
Set boundaries with warmth and consistency
Prioritize connection over control
Talk about emotions openly
Repair when things go wrong (because they will!)
The Takeaway:
Parenting in the early years is not just about toddlerhood — it’s the foundation of the future. Your connection, your boundaries, and your presence matter now and later.
It’s much easier to shape behavior, build respect, and earn trust before the teen years hit. Not because teens are unmanageable — but because you’ll have already built the relationship that lets you influence them when it matters most.
So if you’re knee-deep in snacks, sibling squabbles, and car seat buckles, remember: you’re not just raising a toddler. You’re raising a teenager.
Struggling with implementing your family values or experiencing some challenging behaviour that you are not sure how to deal with? Contact me today
