“Please” and “Thank You” Are Not Unicorns: Teaching Toddlers Manners and Gratitude Without Losing Your Mind
Let’s be honest: toddlers are adorable, sticky, tiny humans who often behave like benevolent dictators. They rule with chubby fists, scream like banshees when served the “wrong” banana (even though it was the exact banana they asked for), and they’re not exactly known for their graciousness. So how do you teach someone who thinks Peppa Pig is a higher power to say please and thank you?
Why Bother With Manners?
Manners are the bedrock of empathy, communication, and social success. They’re not just about being polite, they are about acknowledging others, building connection, and not becoming that kid at the birthday party who swipes the last cupcake and screams when someone else gets a balloon.
Gratitude, in particular, is a biggie. Studies show that children who practice gratitude have better emotional regulation, sleep better, and even perform better in school later on. So yes, getting them to say thank you may someday help them write a scholarship essay. Who knew?
Top Tips for Teaching Manners and Gratitude Without Making It a Fight
1. Model It Like You’re on a Parenting Catwalk
Kids learn 90% of what they know from watching you, the other 10% they pick up from Cocomelon and Grandma. So say please and thank you constantly. To the dog. To your coffee. To your child when they hand you a half-eaten Cheerio.
2. Narrate the Kindness
Instead of “Say thank you to Grandma,” try, “Grandma brought you this toy because she loves you, let’s thank her so she knows we appreciate it.” It’s a soft nudge, not a command. Toddlers resist commands like it’s their part-time job.
3. Make It a Game
Create a “Manners Monster” who only gives high fives when kids say please. Or a “Gratitude Jar” where they get to draw what they’re thankful for. The sillier, the better. Toddlers are more likely to cooperate if it’s fun and ridiculous.
4. Praise the Tries, Not Just the Wins
If they grumble out a “peeeez” while flopping on the floor, celebrate it like they just won a Grammy. The point is effort, not perfection.
5. Introduce the Concept of ‘Helpers’
Even toddlers can understand that other people are helping them all the time. Point it out gently: “That lady at the store gave us our food. Wasn’t that kind of her?”
6. Books Are Your Secret Weapon
Try books like Bear Says Thanks or Thank You, Omu! to normalize thankfulness and generosity. Bonus: you get to sit down while reading. Glorious.
Manners Around the World: A Cultural Side Note
Teaching gratitude and manners also opens a door to cultural awareness. What’s considered polite varies dramatically across cultures and it's a great conversation starter even for young kids.
In Japan, bowing is a daily expression of respect. Kids are taught to bow from toddlerhood.
In India, it’s customary to offer food and say “namaste” to greet guests with hands together, a beautiful way to teach kindness.
In the UK, good manners are basically a religion. Apologizing when someone else steps on your foot? Classic British politeness.
In some Indigenous cultures, gratitude is woven into the language itself with entire ceremonies dedicated to giving thanks to the earth, the harvest, and the community.
You don’t need to turn your toddler into an etiquette ambassador, but exposure to global ways of saying thank you can build empathy and curiosity early.
Final Word: It’s a Long Game
Teaching manners and gratitude is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ll repeat yourself a thousand times, and some days they’ll still throw a tantrum because you dared to peel their banana “wrong.” But over time, those seeds will grow.
And hey, when they do say “please” without prompting? That’s your standing ovation moment.
